Hello S Caedes & thank you for following my invitation to do this interview! For those who don’t know about you, I will let you tell them few things about your musical projects.
Hello Miruna. Well, my first band is HUMANITAS ERROR EST, a brutal Black Metal Band. The music is very harsh, right in the kisser. We’re trying to keep, how I could say this best,… a dark spirit,… the roots of traditional Black Metal and combining this with what comes out based on our own hatred. I am strictly anti-religious and I am, we all are against this hypocritical, suicidal mankind, so this is what we transport with Humanitas Error Est: hate and aggression.
My second band is LEBENSSUCHT, depressive Black Metal combined with Dark Ambient and even some Industrial/Noise parts. The music, the lyrics, the whole goes much more deeper. It’s a very, very personal thing. It’s about creating your own happiness based on all negativity in life. Most DSBM bands praising suicide. This is not our message, we spit out: Enjoy the sickness, suck the pain and fuck, get more strong while enduring all of this. The music, the art of Lebenssucht represents my most extreme feelings on a very intimate level. Only when it hurts, it’s good like it is.
And there is a third band: THRONE OV SHIVA. It’s a mexican Black Metal band of a good friend of mine. He searched a new vocalist, and yeah, that’s me now. There are no new songs published with me on vocals so far, but we’re working on some nasty shit.
Besides this I also did guest-vocals in Yhdarl and Withering Night.
When I say Lebenssucht I mostly think about the Begotten movie with all the appearance and everything. What are your musical influences? What drew you to music as a whole? What got you into metal? And how did you find your liking for extreme metal?
Oh hell, that was a bunch of questions. Will try to follow the line… Begotten, this is such a great artistic movie, very morbid ambiance. Exactly what I like. It clearly was an influence for our video “Beloved Depression”, I just love this fucked up abnormal style, this explicit insanity. The more morbid, the better.
For my musical influences I have to separate. When creating music, I don’t really have this “I would like to have a similar sound as band xy” in mind. In all my bands, for me, for us all it’s important to create something own. My influences are my own life, my emotions, my experiences I made, what I undergo, my view about life and humanity. When the guitarists show me stuff they made, either I feel it and then I normally like it, or I just feel nothing (and when I’m not able to put myself into the songs, I can’t support them). – But sure, I also have my musical influences in the understanding of bands I totally support. To name some: Psychonaut 4, Lifelover, Taiga, Urfaust, Dyscarnate, Anaal Nathrakh, Nattefrost, Arroganz, Benighted, Urgehal, early Marduk… but also bands such as Triarii, In Slaughter Natives, Stalaggh, Gnaw Their Tongues… – it always depends on my mood.
The beginning… how I came across extreme metal… All started when I was 12/13. When I listened the first time to Black Metal, I just knew, that’s it, that’s me. You can compare it with food. There are meals you just don’t like. There are meals, which are good. And there is category three, meals you could eat every day, and your mouth is already watering, only when you think on it. That happened with music to me. When I was young, I was listening to a lot lot different genres and then one day, a private trauma (I will not speak about that) brought me into metal. I was lost in a never ending pain… till I was able to find a balance and relieve my distress in music. It’s about the feeling of knowing exactly where you stand with yourself, spitting out all emotions: hate, aggression, pain, grief and despair. Either you feel it, or you don’t. With the years, my will to have an own band was growing and growing… the result you know.
What means Depressive Black Metal to you?
This is hard to put in words. DSBM goes much more deeper than Black Metal. You need to be able to crawl into the mind of the musicians, to open yourself for it, otherwise you only hear extreme high screams, which remembers you little children, who don’t get the new toy. Seriously, I’ve really hard to find a good description for it. When I think about it, one word always comes first in my mind: honesty. It’s all about honesty. Being honest to yourself and also to the listeners. As musician you need to be ready to show your everything, to do a mental striptease. As listener you need to be able to dive into the pain of others and connect your inner self with them. If you’re not able to do it, you will never understand this music genre.
Recentely you were to Brutal Assault together with Deha. How was the experience, the public, everything?
Brutal Assault, well the location is unique, without any doubt, but the weather was really not nice, it was pissing like hell and there were just too many people. We all don’t like being surrounded by a swarm of humans, so we stayed bit away from the masses. But the gig was awesome! Doing an improvisation with Deha is easy. Also Ahephaim (drummer of all my other bands) took part, we three are connected on a special level, we work as a unit. So yeah, it was a great thing what happened.
As you probably know I am doing a small project about women in metal. My target is to talk with most remarkable women in metal. I want to know your honest opinion: Do you think that a female vocalist can give credit to a band or is this a disadvantage? What about a woman which is the main vocalist cuz I far as I know you might be the only female vocalist for a DSBM band.
Honestly, I give a shit about this hype “female vocalists”. Either you’re good, or you’re not. Of course, women on stage are still something special and get more attention. In the metal scene (especially Black Metal and DSBM) there are not that many female vocalists, this is a fact. But I’m not a female warrior, fighting against a surplus of men. I don’t want that people like my bands, just because I’m female. I want that they like the music, and this means: show respect to every band member. I couldn’t do what I’m doing without my men.
To what else are you bounded to besides music?
First, I’m into BDSM. In my main job I’m working as domina… I’m sadist (with a distinctive blood fetish), I just like to torture slaves. I’m not beating around the bush with that. Second, I’m into art. I’m working as photographer, doing artworks n stuff and also do modeljobs. And the third thing, which is also important for me in life, is helping animals. I’ve two rescued cats at home, I’m the godmother of an old cow and a pig, and I’m helping a little shelter in Serbia, in which they take care of dogs from the streets. Ah, and I like good films! I mean, really good ones, no mainstream Hollywood bullshit. Best films ever are: In my skin, Lilja 4ever, Next Door (Naboer) and La Reine Margot – if you still didn’t watch them, you should do it.
When the day it’s over and you are alone with yourself, what do you think? Are you happy with your life? Content that everything is as you planned to be?
I’m very happy with my life, yes. Some years ago I had a big breakdown, I was just so frustrated with all that normal shit around me, I couldn’t handle myself anymore. So I took a longer time-out from all. It was a hard time with money, but it was absolutely necessary to find back to my roots, to my own principles, what I expect from life, what I want to do in my life. And after I was able to breathe again, I took my decisions. Now, I only do what I like to do. As job and in my free-time. I’m not made to bow down to all of these rule-based behaviors, mainstream life bullshit. I made peace with myself. This also means, when I feel the need to be negative, to suck on my wounds, I’ll just do it. All of this is my life, happiness and pain.
What do you think about nowadays metal scene? Would you change something?
In the metal scene I found a lot of like-minded people, who became also close friends. The scene is very developed with a lot of festivals, lot of labels and of course, a lot of bands. It’s very comfortable here, I have my lifetime ticked booked. The only thing, which makes me really aggressive: I want to enjoy a gig… and a two meter guy is moving his arse right in front of me – then he will know that I can be very unfriendly too.
Thank you kindly for your words and for your time! Last words belong to you…
I want to thank you for your interest in doing this interview with me, was a pleasure. Hope to meet you one day in person. Cheerz!
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